Survivor Depression

I have been unemployed for 2 1/2 years.  I thought I would work as a statistician for the movie companies,  watch the movies, watch people, reactions.  I enjoyed the popcorn, the kids sweeping up after each movie, the comments of the people leaving, the ability to see the movies before anyone else.  I enjoyed learning about the demographics of movie goers and the reactions to each trailer.  I enjoyed being part of the counts that I would send in each night  after the movie to the movie companies.

 A single man ruined it for me, a very maniacal  man who dressed up in full combat gear, armed to the teeth with guns and ammunition who shot the people I  watch, shot children and families and friends in   the theater I was suppose to be working in.  

I had the sickest feeling, I now know it was a survivor guilt.  When I go to work in theater 9, I sit in the back row of the first group of seats, the ones you sit in when the good seats in the mezzanine are full, the ones that you have to look up a little,  I use the two closest to the door so I don't disturb the others when I am looking at the reactions and when I leave early.  I didn't go that night because I finally got a chance to get a  better job if I passed the State of Colorado Insurance Certification, so I took that weekend off so I could study.  I know it was lucky that I did, but the feeling I had was relief  and such sadness, a very sick sadness.  I am so sorry for all the families, I am so sad that the kids in  the concession stand that I see each week had to experience anything like that in their young lives.  I love movies, but I now have one more place that I go that is very near to me that I cannot feel safe in again.  I know safety is everyone's responsibility, but how can I be responsible for trying to be safe in this situation?  I am angry that it happened, they have three to four policemen at the theater, they move through the theaters all night long.  How would they know he came in and opened the door and left and returned with the resolve to kill people in theater 9?  ? 

I went to make some sense of it, I saw tire marks where they should not have been, tape and tv reporters like flies around a dead carcass.  Photographers were everywhere.  I was trying to say good bye to my job, to the kids, to the emotions.  I was approached by a photographer and asked why I had the police tape, I said I really didn't know, it just seemed right at the time.  I had a leaf from the tree I walk by each night I worked too.  Something alive and green and something that marked death, it just seemed appropriate, and tears.  Tears still come when I think about it.. it will be some time before I can talk about it without them.  

  

Bid, Bid, Bid

We have started listing items on Ebay,  let me tell you it is a project to do.  From the measuring to the postage, taking pics and then praying that they sell.  Whew.  I am just starting on the collection of porcelain chamber pots that graced our shabby chic home and moved into some of the Aluminum from the 50's.  Wish me luck I loved them, it is just time for them to find another forever home to be clean and dusted in.



I have one bid so far, not earth shaking but exciting non the less. Click on the link to see one of our offers... ebay is one of our avenues for selling our home stuff, and the big stuff will go to the consignment store or Craigs List.  It is funny that it is going back to be sold to the store that I bought it from.

I am glad to start working toward the deadline.  I only get happier each day it gets one day closer to leaving and relaxing.

I think Ed deserves it and so do I.

Here's a pic of my white granite porcelain Chamber pot,, I only bought this one because the person who was  standing near it in the store originally was speaking of the nice soup tureen.  I just had to save her from herself.  I was amazed that they didn't know it was a personal toilet.  Maybe it was the person who was trying to sell it being crafty.  I never thought of that... funny huh?

I wish you peace or the strength to find yours.

                                                            What do you think?  Soup Tureen or Personal Toilet?

Our LearnVest Interview On Our Move to Ecuador

We are interviewed about our move to Ecuador by LearnVest!  We were notified that it was one of the largest commented interviews.  Our surprise was extra nice to see our kids comment on the comments.  They are the true blue behind our family love.  We did the interview because we needed others to know that there are alternatives to worry and stress.  Ed and I worried about the long term care we might need and the fact that we could not afford it in the States.  We worried that we would not have any quality of life and we really thought that we worked hard enough to at least get that in our retirement years so the search went on to find a country that offered amenities, health care, and a quality of life that addressed all the things that Ed and I would like to have.  We found Ecuador fit all of the requirements.

I am working on getting Gabe our youngest settled with his Certificate of Naturalization and passport.  We are working on what we are sellling versus trashing.  The documents that are needing apostile are being gathered along with working on dog paperwork for the importing of pets.

We are looking at clothing, we each have our piles and are reworking them monthly. It makes me feel like there is something solid when I put clothing piles in baskets to be decided on, it makes it real.  We still look at each other and ask, "Still a go, right?"  We are both relieved that the search is over, and are now just working on what we can to show progress until we can go.

Aub loved the car load of goodies we brought to North Dakota, and Gabe was kind enough to leave a web page for a dumpster up on my laptop, just in case.  How cute, right. I think he thought he was helping.

We are trying to sell the items that we will not need after the season is complete, like lawnmowers, and anticipate the other seasons that we have items for sale, like fall and Christmas.  We are trying to maximize our profits and decrease the waste.  Recycling is big in our lives.  

Well, we hope you read our article, click on the Learnvest to follow the link.

We wish you happiness in your life or the will to find it.